I have not blogged in a while but here are some things I have learned as a walk this road fighting cancer.
Do you trust me?
This is the question God is continually asking me as we make our way through this maze of pre-cancer diagnosis, cancer surgery, and post surgery recovery and reconstruction.
Each step of the way I pause to question why and what the outcome will be and will I be ok after this next step. And each and every time the question i get back is......DO YOU TRUST ME?
Not the reassuring answer I would want, not the answer why but just.....DO YOU TRUST ME?
Am I a big enough God to cover you if it's not ok?
Am I in control enough to make whatever happens ok sometime in the future?
Is it going to be ok if it's never ok again?
Can I still be God if you aren't ok?
Can I still be God if you are left all alone and I am all you have?
Do you trust me - with all the details and all the circumstances and all the people in your life?
I want my answer to these questions to be YES! But I am human and I want reassurance after my yes that God hears me, and sees me. I want to know that He sees my tears and hears my requests. I want to know that I won't be abandoned by my friends, by my family, by my husband, or by my kids. You know the ok you picture in your head when you think of how your life should be to be OK. The picture perfect life where no one is out of line and no hairs are out of place on anyone head. But what I get back from God is.......
DO YOU TRUST ME?
If I love Him and if I trust Him then I have to let go and let God have control of my life and sit back and understand He may take me though some rough valleys but He won't leave me there. I may even walk parts of this journey alone but even then I am never truly alone. God always walks with me, before me and behind me.
He is with me no matter where I go.
Deuteronomy 31:6
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
