Forward in Faith

Walking Forward in Faith - devotional taken from Bible App - When God Says No

I’ve been there. I’ve prayed on my knees until the carpet permanently imprints its knobby pattern in my skin. I’ve cried out with my face to the floor, begging God to give me the miracle.
And then. And then. And then.
The “no” hit me with the breaking force of a hurricane, and there I was. Stranded on a path I didn’t recognize, headed down a road I didn’t ask to journey.
The paralyzing thoughts came, like Job’s friends, to say, “Why are you here? What did you do wrong?”
But, I believe the gospel of Jesus Christ. And I believe Paul when he writes that “affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope.”
So, I get up. I shake my frozen legs. And with the power that comes from Christ alone, I take an aching step forward down this strange path. The farther I walk, the easier it becomes because my muscles grow stronger than I knew they could. At times, I still have to dig in and scale the mountainside, but the view from where I stand is lovelier now than it ever was on the easy path.


And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
Romans 5:3-5 NKJV   http://bible.com/114/rom.5.3-5.NKJV

This devotional is a very real and accurate description of how I felt this time last year and over the last year. I spent much of January and some of February last year praying for a miracle. I prayed for and over my mom countless times while she was in the hospital, hoping for a miracle. But it didn't come in the form I had wanted. I wanted my mom healed (and she eventually was) and back to her life (she would never return to her life the way I had known it). I wanted her safe and sound in her life so I could return to my life the way it had been before she got sick. But God didn't perform the miracle the way I had wanted. I felt like He had said "No I have a better plan." And He did give me my miracle- just not the way I had wanted.

So I did indeed feel stranded on a path I had never asked for, heading in a direction I had never wanted to go, walking towards a destination unknown.  So I was faced with a choice either stay where I had somehow landed or get up and start walking this road that lay before me. But I knew I couldn't stay where I was in a deep valley of sadness and sorrow forever. I knew I didn't want to stay in the valley of grief forever because my soul yearned for joy and peace.  Sadness, sorrow and grief do not provide a place for joy and peace in your  life. I knew I had to walk the road filled with sorrow to eventually get to a mountain top of joy. But I also knew this was going to be the hardest road I had ever walked and I didn't want to go through this fire and pain. But I had no choice unless I chose to lay down and give up in  this valley. And that is just not me.

So I stood up, tears pouring down my face, and began to walk the path in front of me. I praised the Lord as I walked. Prayed to the Lord for strength as I walked. And somehow I did walk! I walked and continue to walk this path only because of the strength God is giving me. Some days I want to stay in bed and wallow in my grief but I instead chose to get up. I chose to take some steps however wobbly they may be. But to keep moving toward the destination of one day being molded to look more like Christ and less like me. And this can be a painful process - letting go of me and my reactions and replacing them God and His actions.  I have shed many tears and prayed many prayers pleading with God to take me out of this fire and off this path. He has graciously said "no" all the while providing comfort and strength. He knew to truly bring me to place where I trusted Him and walked with Him alone He had to bring me through this fire and down this road.

But I have to say I have walked further down this path than I ever thought I could. Almost a year later I can say I am much stronger than I thought I was. Life is much sweeter than I thought it could be. I am at peace with where God has taken me. And all of this is to say that there will be other fires and other trials where once again I am faced with the choice of how I am going to respond. I can either praise Him through the pain and trust that He does indeed want what's best for me or I can  try to go it alone. I would much rather walk this path with Him than alone.

God is gracious and merciful. He has provided all that I have needed over the last year.

Thank you Lord for being my Jehovah - jireh!

Genesis 22:14
And Abraham called the name of that place Jehovahjireh: as it is said to this day, In the mount of the LORD it shall be seen.